Advice from Auntie Lo

Do you have that family member that has a larger than life personality? One that always makes you wonder what they are going to say or do next? But on a deeper level you relate to them and when you are really in need of inspiration they share something with that changes you life or at least your thought process for the moment. If you don't have a family member that is like this, I hope you find a mentor or someone to be in your life that you can look to on this level. For me it has always been my Auntie Lo. She was always the cool one, had (and still has) style and isn't afraid to speak her mind. Even though at times I may not agree entirely with what she says, one thing is true I know she will be honest with how she feels about a situation. I can always count on her to "keep it real" with me to the 1000th power.

With that said, when I told her about what I was doing she sent me this message to give to all of you. I hope you find some wisdom in her words the way I always have. And remember this is advice from Auntie Lo and it comes whether you ask for it or not. Smile!

Advice from Auntie Lo
I offer you the following.

Parents:
Let me start by saying, it does absolutely no good to say to your parents "I'm grown." First of all, it was just last week that we brought you home from the hospital so we know you can't possibly be grown.

Secondly, and more importantly, parents look for "consistent" adult behavior and conversation, not a declaration of independence. You've heard the expression "put your money where your mouth is" well, the same applies here. The words "I'm grown" mean nothing without the adult behavior to back it up. Now don't get me wrong, I know some 50 year olds who should never refer to themselves as adults ... it's the maturity parents look for not the age. We look to see how well you handle yourselves in certain situations. How well do you juggle school, a job, and family responsibilities? How well do you handle personal relationships (girlfriends and boyfriends)? Do you participate in outside activities and how well are you at that?

Third, just as important as #2, believe it or not parents become very attached to their children. We are not trying to live your lives for you (no way Jose). Think of it this way, we've had the same job, taking care of you and protecting you, since we first learned you were on the way (longer than that if you have older siblings) and it isn't easy to simply stop doing that job. To be fair, I know there are some parents out there who really need to let go but remember, parents are human and while we can sometimes be overprotective, we love you more deeply than even we thought it possible to love another person. I have been a young woman in your age group, I am now the mother of grown children, and the daughter of elderly parents. From this vantage point I can say to you, love is not one-sided. My children are as protective of me as I am of them. I am as protective of my parents as they are of my children and me. As children, you love your parents just as fiercely as they love you and this is what both of you should remember and respect when communicating with one another.

Self Respect:
Who You Are ~ Near the end of Tyler Perry's movie "Family Reunion" there is a line that says it all. The line goes something like this (I paraphrase) young woman, it isn't all about your hips and your thighs. Truer words were never spoken. You are so much more. You are heart, mind, spirit, and soul. You are your own best friend. If you can understand this very simple point and act upon it then you have in your possession something no one can ever take from you. You have love and respect of self.

Dress ~ Appropriate attire is a style of dress befitting the occasion, your age group, and your body type. Please do not wear that Saturday night outfit to the office. You know which outfit I'm referring to, we all have one, it's the outfit you wore when you were dating the guy with the whip. Trust me, this is not a good choice for the office, a wedding, or for a date with the new guy who carries a bible. All kidding aside, we are all subject to someone's preconceived notion of who we are and how smart we may be. When you enter a room you want everyone in that room to know at a glance that you are elegant, intelligent, and someone they would be proud to know.

Behavior ~ Always be a lady. I think we all know what that means. We can be silly when we're with our friends and family or we can be more serious when participating in a conversation or an activity we are passionate about. Regardless of the extreme, always remain in control and never let go of the fact you are a lady.

Language ~ Please ladies, "Ebonics" is NOT a language. Please learn to speak English properly. You may be extremely bright but if you cannot transfer your thoughts to the spoken word, no one will understand the extent of your brilliance. Oh, and please remember that those four letter words have no place in a lady's vocabulary.

Personal Growth ~ The mind is like a parachute ... it functions only when open. For all your life remain open to new ideas and new visions. Continue to educate yourself and to read books. Learn new things and visit new places. The world and its people can offer you one adventure after another if you will just be open to growth.

Respect for Others:
There are many people on this planet. Some you will get along with and others you won't. Some will become your friends for life and some will pass through without so much as a hello. Some you'll see everyday, some you'll only meet once. However, everyone will make an impression on you and everyone is worth your respect and kindness. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Most of all, ENJOY LIFE! "When anticipation turns to reality, seize the moment." ~ K.Watkins ~ When you come to end of your road, you want to do so with a slide into home plate yelling "YIPPEE, WHAT A RIDE."