What is your agenda?

Agendas; in today’s time it seems as though everyone has one. They can be positive or negative. What’s your agenda in life? To be popular, successful, rich, or even to help people are all examples of agendas that people have throughout their lives. Sometimes your agenda can change as you get older. Today your agenda could be the popular girl in school, later in life you will realize that is not so important. Then it can change to something with deeper meaning. Even Jesus had an agenda in his time here on Earth and that was to bring us into a relationship with God the Father. You must ask yourself what is your agenda? Once you have decided what your agenda will be then you must ask yourself what will you be willing to do to achieve your agenda? Jesus was willing to die to achieve his agenda.

Would you be willing to give it your all? And what would your all include? See, it isn’t so easy is it? Following your agenda can consume you in every way. You see it all the time on television; especially when the agenda is in a negative light, for example, when a woman is seeking power and success in her career. She is willing to step on the “little people” to get what she wants. She is willing to lie and do anything else necessary to satisfy her agenda. My challenge to you is to flip what you see on television and make your agenda a positive one and go after it in the same manner (as long as it is positive that is). SMILE! People are willing to sacrifice their lives to achieve their agendas. What are you willing to do? If your agenda is fight for the rights of abused children are you willing to do what it takes to make a difference? You have to willing to sacrifice your time, staying up late to do research even if your favorite show is coming on. You have to willing to sacrifice your friends, going to a rally in support of helping abused children instead of going to party with your friends. We all have to make tough decisions in life; you must be willing to sacrifice for the ultimate good of achieving your agenda. When your agenda is in line with God’s plan for your life it is better known as your destiny. It may cost you things in this life, but the reward is far greater than anything you have to give up, God will see to that. Trust me. Now go ahead and decide what your agenda will be and achieve it. Just please keep it positive. :-)

You Don't Have to be Perfect

How many of us are constantly seeking perfection? Whether it’s in our family, our careers, our appearance, or our finances, at one time or another we are looking for perfection. It is easy to get wrapped up in what we want our lives to be like that you forget to live today. You have to make an effort not to allow yourself to get lost in the Land of Perfection.

The bottom line is it doesn’t exist, only one person was ever perfect and his name was Jesus Christ. So know that you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to fall down, and you’re going to fall short. It is a part of life and more importantly it is a part of growing up. What you must know is that life is meant to be lived and it should be lived walking your entire life according to the divine destiny that God has sculpted for you. The Bible says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart: I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5). That let’s you know that despite your imperfection that your existence in itself is a part of God’s perfect plan.

Drama with your BFF?

I answered a question on yesterday from a High School student. She wanted to know what to do because she felt like her best friend was ditching her for someone else. I’m sure that most of us have all felt that way at one time or another. Things are not the same with you and your best friend then all of a sudden she’s hanging out with someone else. Well below are the words I offered to her. What would you do if placed in a similar situation?

My response was if this person was her best friend then that should mean that she can talk to her about how she’s feeling. I told her that she should be able to go to her and say that it seems like she is trying to push her away as her friend then she’ll want to make sure that her friend doesn't have a problem with her that she’s not aware of. The key is to just be honest, but be prepared for whatever the answer may be as well. If she is really her friend she will at least listen and let her know what's going on.

In this situation what you find a lot of times are it may just be a miss understanding or miss communication on both of sides. The only way to know is to talk to the friend. Just know that whatever happens that friendships are work just like any other relationship. So you have to willing to fight and to work at if she is truly your best friend. And if you feel as though she is no longer an asset in your life, be strong enough to break ties and move forward. As long as you do all that you can do in any relationship to make it work you come out on top. That’s all you can do is give things your very best, you can’t make someone else act a certain way or do anything. So don’t waste your timing trying to change or fix someone else. Ultimately the decision on whether you want to be her friend is yours and the decision on whether she wants to be your friend is hers. It’s a two way street not a one way. Remember that. Be encouraged!

Advice from Auntie Lo

Do you have that family member that has a larger than life personality? One that always makes you wonder what they are going to say or do next? But on a deeper level you relate to them and when you are really in need of inspiration they share something with that changes you life or at least your thought process for the moment. If you don't have a family member that is like this, I hope you find a mentor or someone to be in your life that you can look to on this level. For me it has always been my Auntie Lo. She was always the cool one, had (and still has) style and isn't afraid to speak her mind. Even though at times I may not agree entirely with what she says, one thing is true I know she will be honest with how she feels about a situation. I can always count on her to "keep it real" with me to the 1000th power.

With that said, when I told her about what I was doing she sent me this message to give to all of you. I hope you find some wisdom in her words the way I always have. And remember this is advice from Auntie Lo and it comes whether you ask for it or not. Smile!

Advice from Auntie Lo
I offer you the following.

Parents:
Let me start by saying, it does absolutely no good to say to your parents "I'm grown." First of all, it was just last week that we brought you home from the hospital so we know you can't possibly be grown.

Secondly, and more importantly, parents look for "consistent" adult behavior and conversation, not a declaration of independence. You've heard the expression "put your money where your mouth is" well, the same applies here. The words "I'm grown" mean nothing without the adult behavior to back it up. Now don't get me wrong, I know some 50 year olds who should never refer to themselves as adults ... it's the maturity parents look for not the age. We look to see how well you handle yourselves in certain situations. How well do you juggle school, a job, and family responsibilities? How well do you handle personal relationships (girlfriends and boyfriends)? Do you participate in outside activities and how well are you at that?

Third, just as important as #2, believe it or not parents become very attached to their children. We are not trying to live your lives for you (no way Jose). Think of it this way, we've had the same job, taking care of you and protecting you, since we first learned you were on the way (longer than that if you have older siblings) and it isn't easy to simply stop doing that job. To be fair, I know there are some parents out there who really need to let go but remember, parents are human and while we can sometimes be overprotective, we love you more deeply than even we thought it possible to love another person. I have been a young woman in your age group, I am now the mother of grown children, and the daughter of elderly parents. From this vantage point I can say to you, love is not one-sided. My children are as protective of me as I am of them. I am as protective of my parents as they are of my children and me. As children, you love your parents just as fiercely as they love you and this is what both of you should remember and respect when communicating with one another.

Self Respect:
Who You Are ~ Near the end of Tyler Perry's movie "Family Reunion" there is a line that says it all. The line goes something like this (I paraphrase) young woman, it isn't all about your hips and your thighs. Truer words were never spoken. You are so much more. You are heart, mind, spirit, and soul. You are your own best friend. If you can understand this very simple point and act upon it then you have in your possession something no one can ever take from you. You have love and respect of self.

Dress ~ Appropriate attire is a style of dress befitting the occasion, your age group, and your body type. Please do not wear that Saturday night outfit to the office. You know which outfit I'm referring to, we all have one, it's the outfit you wore when you were dating the guy with the whip. Trust me, this is not a good choice for the office, a wedding, or for a date with the new guy who carries a bible. All kidding aside, we are all subject to someone's preconceived notion of who we are and how smart we may be. When you enter a room you want everyone in that room to know at a glance that you are elegant, intelligent, and someone they would be proud to know.

Behavior ~ Always be a lady. I think we all know what that means. We can be silly when we're with our friends and family or we can be more serious when participating in a conversation or an activity we are passionate about. Regardless of the extreme, always remain in control and never let go of the fact you are a lady.

Language ~ Please ladies, "Ebonics" is NOT a language. Please learn to speak English properly. You may be extremely bright but if you cannot transfer your thoughts to the spoken word, no one will understand the extent of your brilliance. Oh, and please remember that those four letter words have no place in a lady's vocabulary.

Personal Growth ~ The mind is like a parachute ... it functions only when open. For all your life remain open to new ideas and new visions. Continue to educate yourself and to read books. Learn new things and visit new places. The world and its people can offer you one adventure after another if you will just be open to growth.

Respect for Others:
There are many people on this planet. Some you will get along with and others you won't. Some will become your friends for life and some will pass through without so much as a hello. Some you'll see everyday, some you'll only meet once. However, everyone will make an impression on you and everyone is worth your respect and kindness. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Most of all, ENJOY LIFE! "When anticipation turns to reality, seize the moment." ~ K.Watkins ~ When you come to end of your road, you want to do so with a slide into home plate yelling "YIPPEE, WHAT A RIDE."

Period of Sadness

It is still amazing to me at times how God always knows what we need when we need it. That’s if we choose to see it. As humans we have emotions and as women we were made to express those emotions. Sometimes people don’t like to talk about their emotions with others or even admit them to themselves. Well today I was sad. There I said it I was sad, nothing devastating had happened currently it was just my emotion for the day. I thought some things from the past and it left me feeling sad.

We normally don’t like to talk about what are considered the bad emotions like being sad or angry. However, they are very real emotions and as teenagers they can be elevated depending on other factors you are dealing with at the time whether it is school, friends, or family. There is nothing with feeling sad it is how you deal with it that matters. God always knows what you need when you need it. For me I turned to my devotional that usually read daily, but had not read for a few days, and what was today’s topic. Celebrating Sadness! Yes can you believe it, I couldn’t. The woman talked about how she was never allowed to show her sadness as a child and that it took a friend to point out that there was nothing wrong with being sad.

Another point that was talked about was that people tend to be at their most creative when they experience a period of sadness. I thought about that it is very true look at the things we love music, books, even some movies come from creators that were going through a period of sadness. So it’s what you choose to do during your period that sets you apart and tells you if your sadness is healthy or not. I thought even to my own past of periods of when I have been sad and some of my best poetry was written during those times. So when you faced with a period of sadness challenge that into something creative, that you will be proud of later. Hey look at me I wrote this blog during my period of sadness to hopefully help someone else through theirs. What will you do?

Be encouraged!

Dance Girl Dance!

Another joy of mine has also been dancing. I have loved dancing since I was a little girl, all types of dancing. The funny thing is that dancing is a great metaphor for relationships as well. When you are dancing in a pair there is always a leader and then a follower. If the two don’t automatically fall into their positions there is confusion that is shown throughout the dance. When one takes the role of leader and the other of follower without any issue the dance flows with beauty and grace.

Now in the dance being in the role of the follower is not a bad thing. I want to clear that up right now, in a lot of ways the follower has to be stronger than the leader. Not only do they have to know their own part, but in knowing their steps they also must know the steps of the leader in order to make the moves flawless. And a good leader is not just someone trying to be in charge for the sake of being in charge. They are there to execute the dance and also take into account obstacles that the person in the follower position does not have to be worried about it.

Just like in any relationship when each person assumes their proper positions it is complementary. No one person’s position is more important than the others and without the other there would be no routine. The trick in life is finding those relationships that compliment you and stay away from those who take away from your life. You’re in the dance of your life and it has been choreographed by God, but it’s up to you learn the steps. Seek the steps to your life’s dance; you’ll be surprised how fun life can be. So Dance Girl Dance!