It Won’t Be Easy!

Often it seems easier to give up or to just let your dreams die off. But when it is truly your destiny no matter what you do it will keep presenting itself into your life. Don't ignore it. Embrace it and move forward. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. There will be nights that you will lose sleep, friends, and even money. There will be times that you cry and get angry. There will be times when you feel as though you are living in hell. I'm just keeping it real with you. Even in my endeavor to write this blog and give you Godly words of wisdom and inspiration it has not been easy. But no matter what I do it the concept of Being L.E.D. keeps finding its way back into my life. So know that everything I write are things that I have experienced or that I am experiencing it even as I write.

Though I do not know the outcome, I know that God will have His way in all that I do. And you must know the same. This is not about religion this is about relationship. You must have a relationship with Jesus Christ, because a lot of people know who He is, but they don't know Him. And the only way to truly tap into the full potential of your destiny is to have a relationship with Him. If you don't you will listen to the world around you that tells you that you can't do that, you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, you're too old, you're too young, etc. Everything you can think of someone will try to discourage you with.

BUT, when you have a relationship with Him then you'll receive personal encouragement from the father and a sense of peace that you won't even understand. He will give you the strength to continue moving forward toward your destiny. So if you don't have a relationship with the Lord I challenge you to get one. If you don't know how to just speak this from your heart out loud and He will hear you. I believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for my sins. I am accepting Him into my life today. Why not start your relationship today?

People Pleasers

The purpose of this blog is to not only help you to discover your destiny, but to also help you not to waste time on unnecessary things while achieving it. What I want to touch on today is the well known topic of people pleasing. Everyone falls into this because you either don't want to upset people or you want to make everyone happy. And even though it may seem like common sense people can't seem to grasp the fact that you will never be able to please everyone. The hardest of these to deal with is the fact that you can't always do what you family wants.

Now don't confuse what I am saying with honoring your mother and father. This is always the rule, however if what your parents or any family member wants you to do is opposite of what you know in your heart God wants you to do then you have to make the tough decision of deciding who you're going to follow. And trust me from experience you can listen to God now or you can listen later, but later comes with a price. If you find yourself in this position then you have to take the time to pray and seek guidance from Him he will show you what to say and do that your parents may understand.

There is one other person that we seem to want to please more than even our parents and this person seems to be the hardest to please of them all. OUR FRIENDS! Or people like to refer to as friends. But how many times have you went to a movie you didn't want to see, or went bowling which you can't stand, or said sure I'll go with you to your boyfriend's house party and you don't even like her boyfriend. All because you wanted to be cool, popular, or supportive in one way or another. When really you would have rather been doing your own thing at your house or out with your own boyfriend. And here's one news flash for those of you that are saying to yourself that this never happens to you, yow always do what you want. Then I challenge you to take a step outside yourself and see if you're the one that is being selfish while your selfless friends try and please you?

If you continue along the path of trying to please everyone else when do you actually get to live your own life? I read a quote once that said "On your tombstone it's not the two dates that are important it's the dash between them." What that means is the date you're born and the date you die are not as important as the life that you live between them. So make the most of your life, enjoy it, seek God in all that you do and He will direct your path. Please God not people.

Let It Go!

I thought this was summarized very well and teaches the point of letting go. Please read and take this into account when dealing with the people of your life.

 

LET IT GO
...  
by T.D.Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you:  let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you,  calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to  you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the  story is over.
And you've got to know when people's
part in your story is over so that you
don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something
I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.

It's not that I'm hateful,  it's that I'm faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to  have
He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something
that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains  ...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves..
LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed.
LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for
2008  !!!
LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left. Think about it, and then
LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

Why Must We Complicate Things?

Isn't it funny how with your true friends and even your family at times you can go weeks even months without seeing or talking with them, but the first time you're together it's as if you just saw them yesterday? That's how it is for me with those that I really connect with. When you are truly in tune with someone else their wants, needs, and even their dreams for their life it's easy to just pick up where you left off. Even though friendships and relationships of any nature are delicate and do require work they should not be brain surgery either. You should not have to put more work into it then what you are receiving out of it.

Know that in relationships of any kind that you can only be held responsible for your own actions and decisions. You can not make someone be or do something that they are not ready or willing to do. All you can do is continue to walk in honesty and pray they do the same. Look at their actions and not just the words that they speak. A lot of times people will speak things that will give the appearance of the way the desire for the relationship/friendship to be going. However, their actions can prove to be very different. Always be aware not only of the things they are doing, but take it a step further and pay attention to the things they are NOT doing. This can prove to be both positive and negative in ways.

I don't believe it was intended to be that hard. I think as human beings that carry our own junk around we complicate a lot of things that God intended to be very simple. We are constantly saying to ourselves, "THIS IS TOO EASY SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG!" I know you have caught yourself saying that and if you haven't said it yet, just wait you will. When things go well and smoothly that's when we doubt it. We act as though it can't be from heaven if there was no hell to go through to get there. Am I saying that all your relationships will be easy as pie? NO! I think that we do learn a lot and you will grow and mature by going through the circumstances of life. What I am saying there are enough challenges and struggles that God has already planned for you that you don't have to add to them by making the journey more complicated than it has to be.

Season vs. Forever

Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. They may be some of the best people we have ever met and we want them to be there forever, but something happens and they are no longer apart of our lives. It hurts and a lot of the time we don't understand why they are no longer there, but God knows. Some people are meant to be in our lives to help, guide, motivate, or even establish us in one way or another. This is a concept that is usually hard for us as women to grasp, because by nature we are the nurturing type. We want to nurture our relationships so that they blossom and we want to hold to those relationships forever. Even the ones that are not going well we continue to hold on because we hope it will get better.

It is the reason why it seems harder for the mother to let go of her children than it is the father. I think that it is just a difference in how the genders were created. We have a harder time understand the concept of event and season vs. forever. Sometimes we meet that person where there is an instant connection and they are there to help us through a specific event (ex Graduation, Birth of a Child, Break-ups, etc.) and once that event is over they are gone.

Other times there are people that are there to help us through a season of our lives. They are those people like a teacher that takes special interest in you and helps to guide you through your High School/College years. Or they person that shows up to motivate and mentor you through starting the business that you've always dreamed of having. The people that are in our life for a season are the hardest to understand and to cope with once they are gone. Because when someone is in your life for a season they are there long enough for you to become emotionally and spiritually attached to them.

However, we must learn from the lessons that they are there to teach us. Even in the difficult time and through tough situations there are lessons to be learned. This is something that you must grasp in order to move forward in this life. You must remember just like Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter this too shall past. So remember God wants only the best for you in this life and for that reason he sends you people to join your circle. When some of those people move on don't get upset just know you are one step closer to accomplishing what you are suppose to in this life.

Adults in the Room

Hope everyone enjoyed their Memorial Day weekend. I went to a cookout and it gave me the basis of today’s topic. Listening to those who have come before you and learning from their life experiences. I have always been one who enjoyed listening to women that are older than me and receiving their wisdom on life. The ladies that I met are all success business women and taught me that I can accomplish all my dreams. The encouraged me in the area of relationships as well as business. They were there to give me feedback on things that I am going through at this point in my life. And for that I will always be appreciative.

So as young women I want to encourage you to take the time to listen. It is easy to think that you know everything and that you do not need to listen to the adults in your life. You’re wrong. Every person can teach you things in this life. Whether it is to show you what to do or what NOT to do in your career or in the life that you want to lead. So the next time you have an opportunity to learn from the adults in your life take it. You never know what gem of knowledge that you will receive that will help to propel you to the next level in your life. Our environment including the people in our lives help to mold us into the people we become. Why not be proactive in the information that we receive? Take this to heart and just try it and see what you can learn from others experiences. It will be worth the time you take.

Comment Response

I thank you for your comments the past two days in regards to my postings. I would just like to speak to the comment about the whole video being a hoax. I am not here to argue the validity of the video at all. Because the reality of it all is that there are people out there doing this exact thing. They are preying on our young women and they need to warned and helped to see their self worth. That is my goal in this entire situation. If his goal is to promote his own website then I hope that my and everyone's attention to this will serve as a warning to him. To let him and any other person who is actually committing this sort of heinous act towards our community will not be tolerated. We will stand up and protect our girls.

If only one girl begins to understand her self worth then it makes even his disgusting video worth it. Because little did he know that when he made that video that I and others like me would see and that he would set into motion a series of events that would change this world. Like I said in my other post what the devil meant for bad God is using for his good. Hopefully this will cause a young woman to be more cautious in the company she keeps or to wait longer before becoming sexual intimate. That is my only desire from exposing this video whether true or fake. However, I do thank you for commenting because that is a hidden agenda that the man who made that video had that a lot of people wouldn't have known about without your comment.

This will go to show our young women that everything is not as it seems all the time. You must listen to the voice inside you that tells you when a situation is not right. And also God will send people along in your life to warn you of things. So do not always look at things from a defensive eye. Trust your inner self for that is your spirit and that is where God speaks to you. So to you I thank you for your comment because it sparked yet continued discussion and that's what it's all about. It is about beginning a dialogue.

You are Beautiful!

After yesterday's post I thought it would only be appropriate to discuss one of the issues that acts as the basis of why our young women fall victim to men like the Trash Man. It has to do with Body Image. This topic has been seen on The Tyra Banks Show a lot lately, and is the topic of songs, books, and many discussions. Young women are struggling to find happiness in their own skin. Either she views herself as too skinny or not skinny enough, has no curves or too many. If she has a dark complexion she feels inadequate and for those who are light they are tired of justifying their blackness.

Somewhere in this journey of life we have allowed the devil to come in and tell our young women they are not good enough. We need to work double time to correct this disaster taking place in our community. Because if we don't step up and teach them their Godly self worth. In Pastor Paula White's book entitled Daily Treasures she reminds all people; "You are exactly what God wanted you to be from head to toe. You are the "right" gender, race, personality, body, shape, and height to accomplish the dream that He has for you. You are already equipped with all you will ever need." So stop it with the self esteem cover up. You know where you act like you're all that and that by dressing in the least amount of clothes possible is bring you the attention that makes you feel beautiful. Trust me I am not fooled, been there and done that. The type of people you are likely to attract will be those with hidden agendas men like the Trash Man.

It's my desire that every young women regardless of her race or body type knows that you are beautiful and that God loves you and so do I! Walk with you head up high be good to those around and most importantly be good to yourself. You are everything you were meant to be and when you invest in yourself it only gets better with time.

Beware of the Trash Man (Man with AIDS infecting teen girls)

THIS TAPE IS EXPICIT AND CONTAINS FOUL LANGUAGE AND DESCRIBES SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS.

Despite the graphic nature of this video it is VERY important that we use this man's ignorance as a learning tool to save the lives of our girls that he has not yet reached. This man has allegedly infected over 15,000 girls with the HIV/AIDS virus, some by his own account as young as 16. In this video he names names and discusses how he met them and how easy the conquest was. I am just going to take his words as true, I hope that they are not, but in today's world you never can tell. This is a warning it should be used as a NATIONAL ALERT to all our teen girls and the people that love them. Like the old saying goes, everything that glitters ain't gold. You will see for yourself that he talks about the fact that he drives a Jaguar as being his number one appeal to these girls. Why is it that it is so easy for a man like this to get to our girls?

Well there are several reasons everything from self esteem issues to lack of male figure in their lives and so on and so on. But that is not where I want to focus tonight. I want to focus on one thing and that is my desire for every young woman to know their self worth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made as written in Psalms 139:14. You are a precious jewel in the sight of God. God is the Almighty so if he is pleased with you, you must learn to know that you special. This is why abstinence is always the best policy until marriage. But am I naïve? NO I'M NOT! So for those who choose not to wait it is so important that you take the time to know the person you are dating and protect yourself! You must take responsibility for your own body and your own life. Don't seek your joy in a man. If you like the car he drives, the diamonds he wears, then go and get it for yourself, go to school and work so that you can buy those things for yourself. Believe me it feels 100x better when you do it for yourself.

You want a man that will respect you and that knows your worth. This is not a game this is your life. You should always be tested and if sex is something that you just can't live without then instead of buying that new shirt go buy some condoms. They sell them to females too; I'm here to keep it real with you. Don't act like only the guy can supply them. You want to be taken seriously by your parents, your friends, and everyone around you then take yourself seriously. You are God's creation and you are beautiful and to be treasured. God wants to help you. Searching for your destiny is a journey that will help to guide you towards the people that you need in your life and it will help to build your confidence that you will heed the warnings when confronted with people like this Trash Man. He couldn't have come up with a better name for himself, because he is nothing but trash and so are those that are out there like him. Know that you deserve better than trash and wait for your King.

Celebrate the Good

Just as you want to be celebrated and appreciated for the things that you do in this life, you need to take the time to celebrate and appreciate the ones that touch yours. Whether it is with a simply, "Thank You" or an "I really appreciate it that you…" Even if you give them a card or a special keepsake that means something to both of you, we must celebrate those around us. And for those of us who are truly givers we must learn how to receive as well as give. It is good to be humble, but we must be careful not to block our blessings by refusing the thank you of others.

So be sure to celebrate those in your life that are having an impact whether great or small. As a society we tend to dwell only on the negative that people do. If we took that same energy and took small steps to celebrate the good, we can change the world. Let someone know you are grateful to them and that they have touched your life in one way or another today! Let's change the world together one thank you at a time.

Why Wait Until You’re Sick?

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I've been under the weather. But I'M BACK!!!! I always wondered why people seem to have their deepest revelations during their time of ailment. After being sick these last couple of days I think I can understand on some level. It is because it is time you are at your most vulnerable state. And you have time on your hands that you would not normally take to reflect on your life. It forces you to slow down and really view the life around you. Even as a teenager you need to take the time out to reflect on your past, view your present, and plan for your future.

It allowed me to reflect on my own life and assess what is truly important to me. It now has allowed me to focus my energies on what is important to me and what my next steps will be. My question now is why wait until your ill and forced to sit still to reflect. I believe this is something that we must do on a regular basis. Self reflection is a critical part of the destiny journey. So as a young person if you are serious about discovering what you destiny is here in this life then start now to make self reflection a part of that journey. Don't wait until you're forced into it, because you will be. One way or another you will have to look at what is known as your life and decide what is going be your next step. Wouldn't you rather do it because you want to then because you are forced into it?

Enjoy Life!

Do you know how to really enjoy life? Do you actually know how to enjoy life? As young women you must learn now how to enjoy life. Because life is a challenge and if you're not careful you will just be living day to day without really enjoying the life you're living. Then one day you'll look back and think of all the things you missed out on. Trust me you do not want to live your life with regrets. So embrace life and follow your passion. Do the things that you love to do that are of good character and you will understand true enjoyment.

Life is hard in its own rights, but there is always opportunity to find joy. The Bible let's us know that this joy that we have the World didn't give it to us and the world can't take it away. What that means is that we must find our joy on a spiritual level then we know that no matter what we go through God is always there for us and in that fact we can find joy. So keep your head up and even in your working towards your goals make time to ENJOY LIFE!

Standing in Grace

I read my Women of Faith Daily Devotional today, it is entitled Standing in Grace. I think that it worth sharing with you all. Please take the time to read it I think it will touch you and help you grow.

Once there was a young man who had great skill and potential. He bragged obnoxiously about how good he was. He tried to demand people's respect. But one day his cockiness caught up with him: He lost his job and could not find another one for months.

    Almost a year passed and nothing good happened, he thought. Nobody would hire him. He tired to start his own business, but he failed. He got so depressed and ashamed that thoughts of ending it all played in his head. It was difficult for him to believe that in spite of these demoralizing circumstances, God was still at work in his life. But he'd accepted Jesus at an early age, and at the very moment of salvation, the Holy Spirit had come to live within him. Even though he didn't feel secure in his current circumstances, he tried to bank on the truth in Scripture: "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand" (Romans 5:1-2)

    We stand, even when life beats us down.

    One day the young man got a life-changing phone call, offering him the opportunity to interview for the job of a lifetime. He got the job! The grace of God was imputed to him even though he didn't believe he deserved it. He learned that bad behavior does not stop God from lavishing us with his unmerited favor.                                            -BY Thelma Wells

 

So remember God's grace is always there to help you get past the things of your past and move on to your great destiny all you must do is believe.

Blessing in Disguise

So have you ever had a day where it seems like everything that could go wrong does? You can't find the shirt you want to wear that goes perfect with your jeans, and you know you just saw it yesterday. Then everybody at work or school seems to be against you in one way or another. Just when you think things can't be worse your car has a flat tire or the bus you ride home breaks down. When you finally get home and you don't want to be bothered, your parents tell you they want to talk. With every step you take to meet them in the living room or kitchen your mind is racing and you are dreading what they have to say.

To your surprise when you get there they have planned something special for you. It could be something like cooking your favorite dinner or that they just wanted to tell you that they are proud of you. And it makes everything you went through during the day worth it or less painful in some way. For those of you who may not have a loving family at home or friends to turn to, know that you can always turn to God. He is there for you to listen to you and to let you know in His own special way that everything is going to be ok. Maybe it's by allowing you to notice a flower blooming in a path you always take or that rainbow after the rain storm. Or just maybe it's leading you to this blog today so that you can read these words.

I just want you to know no matter what you're going through have your eyes open to the blessings around you they may just be in disguise.

Stay Focused!

Stay focused! When you are on your path towards your destiny it is important to remain focused. People will try to discourage you, times will be tough, but if you continue towards your goal you have no choice but to reach it. Staying focused is something easy to say, but not always the easiest thing to accomplish. This is why it is important for you to surround yourself with people who are uplifting you and motivating you to move forward.

Trust me I know first hand that it can be hard. Believe me there are days I want to give up, because things do not look like there getting any better. I just have to remember that everything comes in God's timing not mine. And I am reminded by the circle of people that I choose to surround myself with. Others that were out to sabotage me or who were envious of me I had to let them go, even if they did hold the title of friend or family. Think of life as a journey. Not everyone is meant to go on your journey with you. If they were then we would all be going to the same place and doing the same things. Some people are meant to go with you part of the way and few are meant to go all the way. You must use wisdom on whom to let into your inner circle.

When you are working towards you goals know that there will be hindrances, obstacles, road blocks, or whatever else you want to call them. The only way over them, around them, or through them is to stay focused and keep moving forward. Relentlessly pursuing your goals means to never stop moving forward while keeping your ethics pure and your character unflawed. So be encouraged always and stay focused!

Dreams Do Come True!

Well dreams do come true. Even as I am writing each day to bring you closer to your destiny, it has just been me finally walking in mine. I have always had a passion for young women (ages 13-19) and helping you to realize your true potential and worth. God has great things in store for you all. I am just here to let you know that once you know what your passion (destiny) is hold on to it. Continue to pray for guidance from God and he will direct your path towards your goal. This is just what he is doing for me on a daily basis. And today is just another one of those steps. As of today the Being L.E.D. (Living to Equivalent to Destiny) website is up and operational! Please go and check it out! The website is http://www.beingled.com.

Remember the page is still under construction and will be changing daily as more information is added. Right now only the homepage is functional, please be patient and join in as we celebrate this next step in growth. Thank you for your support and I hope that the website as well as this blog is a blessing to you.

Stop Reading Into Everything!

Okay as women and young women one thing we can be guilty of is reading too much into things. Because of our nurturing nature we are use to having to read between the lines when talking with people. Unfortunately, the downfall to that is that we often make things that are small or nothing into the greatest offense. Some of it is a direct correlation to your Self-esteem, however I believe some of it is to also know our differences from men. If I can get you to understand this fact at an early age the less drama you will have to face as you get older.

Being aware of your surroundings with guys is important. However let me be the first to say they are not all liars! Yeah I know that may be the total opposite of what you've been taught and/or believe. It is the truth though; there are some guys that are true to their word. What we have to be careful of is not discrediting everything someone says based on what Tyrone and everyone else did in the past. Again I stress the importance of paying attention to one's actions and not just their words. If the person has been honest with you in action as well as words then why are you tripping? Why with every little thing are you making a scene? Sometimes people really do have to work late, maybe it really wasn't him that Chantal saw at the game. I mean she was 500 feet away and the guy had his back to her. She could be mistaken. SMILE!

This is why it is so important for you to have a relationship with God. What people call intuition, when you have a relationship with God you know it is the Holy Spirit. If you will be wise and listen to the Holy Spirit, he will share with you when things are not right. Learn to take relationships one day at a time. Stop meeting guys and automatically assuming he's the one! Work on yourself; build yourself up so that you don't need always be in the presence of a man. Get a life that is centered on God, for He is the one that matters. Trust me the sooner you learn this, the better for your emotional health. J

Are you getting Mixed Signals?

Mixed Signals, all of us have encountered them at one time or another. From our parents, friends, relationships, and the list continues on and on. Someone might ask what are mixed signals. Mixed signals are when people say one thing, but their actions say the opposite. You know when you’re dating that guy and his words say that he’s feeling you, but his actions prove that you’re no different than anybody else. Or when your friend says that she would never talk about you behind your back, but she talks about everybody else so why not you? Hey, you might even be guilty of giving mixed signals yourself.

And if you are that’s okay we all have done it before. Sometimes it can be because the person is confused or it can be because they are afraid to let you know how they really feel. And then quite frankly it could be because they are playing you, whatever the reason know that mixed signals is common. That’s why the old saying of “actions speak louder than words” is so true. Whether you want to believe it our not, it is true. I dare you to just try it one time, be observant and listen. Listen to what people tell you about themselves or even about how they feel about you and then watch their actions. Do they match? Or do they prove to be contrary?

I say all this to say in life beware of the mixed signals. They will cause you lots of headaches and heartaches if you are not careful. My advice to you would be to believe a person’s actions a lot more than you believe their words.

What is your agenda?

Agendas; in today’s time it seems as though everyone has one. They can be positive or negative. What’s your agenda in life? To be popular, successful, rich, or even to help people are all examples of agendas that people have throughout their lives. Sometimes your agenda can change as you get older. Today your agenda could be the popular girl in school, later in life you will realize that is not so important. Then it can change to something with deeper meaning. Even Jesus had an agenda in his time here on Earth and that was to bring us into a relationship with God the Father. You must ask yourself what is your agenda? Once you have decided what your agenda will be then you must ask yourself what will you be willing to do to achieve your agenda? Jesus was willing to die to achieve his agenda.

Would you be willing to give it your all? And what would your all include? See, it isn’t so easy is it? Following your agenda can consume you in every way. You see it all the time on television; especially when the agenda is in a negative light, for example, when a woman is seeking power and success in her career. She is willing to step on the “little people” to get what she wants. She is willing to lie and do anything else necessary to satisfy her agenda. My challenge to you is to flip what you see on television and make your agenda a positive one and go after it in the same manner (as long as it is positive that is). SMILE! People are willing to sacrifice their lives to achieve their agendas. What are you willing to do? If your agenda is fight for the rights of abused children are you willing to do what it takes to make a difference? You have to willing to sacrifice your time, staying up late to do research even if your favorite show is coming on. You have to willing to sacrifice your friends, going to a rally in support of helping abused children instead of going to party with your friends. We all have to make tough decisions in life; you must be willing to sacrifice for the ultimate good of achieving your agenda. When your agenda is in line with God’s plan for your life it is better known as your destiny. It may cost you things in this life, but the reward is far greater than anything you have to give up, God will see to that. Trust me. Now go ahead and decide what your agenda will be and achieve it. Just please keep it positive. :-)

You Don't Have to be Perfect

How many of us are constantly seeking perfection? Whether it’s in our family, our careers, our appearance, or our finances, at one time or another we are looking for perfection. It is easy to get wrapped up in what we want our lives to be like that you forget to live today. You have to make an effort not to allow yourself to get lost in the Land of Perfection.

The bottom line is it doesn’t exist, only one person was ever perfect and his name was Jesus Christ. So know that you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to fall down, and you’re going to fall short. It is a part of life and more importantly it is a part of growing up. What you must know is that life is meant to be lived and it should be lived walking your entire life according to the divine destiny that God has sculpted for you. The Bible says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart: I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5). That let’s you know that despite your imperfection that your existence in itself is a part of God’s perfect plan.

Drama with your BFF?

I answered a question on yesterday from a High School student. She wanted to know what to do because she felt like her best friend was ditching her for someone else. I’m sure that most of us have all felt that way at one time or another. Things are not the same with you and your best friend then all of a sudden she’s hanging out with someone else. Well below are the words I offered to her. What would you do if placed in a similar situation?

My response was if this person was her best friend then that should mean that she can talk to her about how she’s feeling. I told her that she should be able to go to her and say that it seems like she is trying to push her away as her friend then she’ll want to make sure that her friend doesn't have a problem with her that she’s not aware of. The key is to just be honest, but be prepared for whatever the answer may be as well. If she is really her friend she will at least listen and let her know what's going on.

In this situation what you find a lot of times are it may just be a miss understanding or miss communication on both of sides. The only way to know is to talk to the friend. Just know that whatever happens that friendships are work just like any other relationship. So you have to willing to fight and to work at if she is truly your best friend. And if you feel as though she is no longer an asset in your life, be strong enough to break ties and move forward. As long as you do all that you can do in any relationship to make it work you come out on top. That’s all you can do is give things your very best, you can’t make someone else act a certain way or do anything. So don’t waste your timing trying to change or fix someone else. Ultimately the decision on whether you want to be her friend is yours and the decision on whether she wants to be your friend is hers. It’s a two way street not a one way. Remember that. Be encouraged!

Advice from Auntie Lo

Do you have that family member that has a larger than life personality? One that always makes you wonder what they are going to say or do next? But on a deeper level you relate to them and when you are really in need of inspiration they share something with that changes you life or at least your thought process for the moment. If you don't have a family member that is like this, I hope you find a mentor or someone to be in your life that you can look to on this level. For me it has always been my Auntie Lo. She was always the cool one, had (and still has) style and isn't afraid to speak her mind. Even though at times I may not agree entirely with what she says, one thing is true I know she will be honest with how she feels about a situation. I can always count on her to "keep it real" with me to the 1000th power.

With that said, when I told her about what I was doing she sent me this message to give to all of you. I hope you find some wisdom in her words the way I always have. And remember this is advice from Auntie Lo and it comes whether you ask for it or not. Smile!

Advice from Auntie Lo
I offer you the following.

Parents:
Let me start by saying, it does absolutely no good to say to your parents "I'm grown." First of all, it was just last week that we brought you home from the hospital so we know you can't possibly be grown.

Secondly, and more importantly, parents look for "consistent" adult behavior and conversation, not a declaration of independence. You've heard the expression "put your money where your mouth is" well, the same applies here. The words "I'm grown" mean nothing without the adult behavior to back it up. Now don't get me wrong, I know some 50 year olds who should never refer to themselves as adults ... it's the maturity parents look for not the age. We look to see how well you handle yourselves in certain situations. How well do you juggle school, a job, and family responsibilities? How well do you handle personal relationships (girlfriends and boyfriends)? Do you participate in outside activities and how well are you at that?

Third, just as important as #2, believe it or not parents become very attached to their children. We are not trying to live your lives for you (no way Jose). Think of it this way, we've had the same job, taking care of you and protecting you, since we first learned you were on the way (longer than that if you have older siblings) and it isn't easy to simply stop doing that job. To be fair, I know there are some parents out there who really need to let go but remember, parents are human and while we can sometimes be overprotective, we love you more deeply than even we thought it possible to love another person. I have been a young woman in your age group, I am now the mother of grown children, and the daughter of elderly parents. From this vantage point I can say to you, love is not one-sided. My children are as protective of me as I am of them. I am as protective of my parents as they are of my children and me. As children, you love your parents just as fiercely as they love you and this is what both of you should remember and respect when communicating with one another.

Self Respect:
Who You Are ~ Near the end of Tyler Perry's movie "Family Reunion" there is a line that says it all. The line goes something like this (I paraphrase) young woman, it isn't all about your hips and your thighs. Truer words were never spoken. You are so much more. You are heart, mind, spirit, and soul. You are your own best friend. If you can understand this very simple point and act upon it then you have in your possession something no one can ever take from you. You have love and respect of self.

Dress ~ Appropriate attire is a style of dress befitting the occasion, your age group, and your body type. Please do not wear that Saturday night outfit to the office. You know which outfit I'm referring to, we all have one, it's the outfit you wore when you were dating the guy with the whip. Trust me, this is not a good choice for the office, a wedding, or for a date with the new guy who carries a bible. All kidding aside, we are all subject to someone's preconceived notion of who we are and how smart we may be. When you enter a room you want everyone in that room to know at a glance that you are elegant, intelligent, and someone they would be proud to know.

Behavior ~ Always be a lady. I think we all know what that means. We can be silly when we're with our friends and family or we can be more serious when participating in a conversation or an activity we are passionate about. Regardless of the extreme, always remain in control and never let go of the fact you are a lady.

Language ~ Please ladies, "Ebonics" is NOT a language. Please learn to speak English properly. You may be extremely bright but if you cannot transfer your thoughts to the spoken word, no one will understand the extent of your brilliance. Oh, and please remember that those four letter words have no place in a lady's vocabulary.

Personal Growth ~ The mind is like a parachute ... it functions only when open. For all your life remain open to new ideas and new visions. Continue to educate yourself and to read books. Learn new things and visit new places. The world and its people can offer you one adventure after another if you will just be open to growth.

Respect for Others:
There are many people on this planet. Some you will get along with and others you won't. Some will become your friends for life and some will pass through without so much as a hello. Some you'll see everyday, some you'll only meet once. However, everyone will make an impression on you and everyone is worth your respect and kindness. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Most of all, ENJOY LIFE! "When anticipation turns to reality, seize the moment." ~ K.Watkins ~ When you come to end of your road, you want to do so with a slide into home plate yelling "YIPPEE, WHAT A RIDE."

Period of Sadness

It is still amazing to me at times how God always knows what we need when we need it. That’s if we choose to see it. As humans we have emotions and as women we were made to express those emotions. Sometimes people don’t like to talk about their emotions with others or even admit them to themselves. Well today I was sad. There I said it I was sad, nothing devastating had happened currently it was just my emotion for the day. I thought some things from the past and it left me feeling sad.

We normally don’t like to talk about what are considered the bad emotions like being sad or angry. However, they are very real emotions and as teenagers they can be elevated depending on other factors you are dealing with at the time whether it is school, friends, or family. There is nothing with feeling sad it is how you deal with it that matters. God always knows what you need when you need it. For me I turned to my devotional that usually read daily, but had not read for a few days, and what was today’s topic. Celebrating Sadness! Yes can you believe it, I couldn’t. The woman talked about how she was never allowed to show her sadness as a child and that it took a friend to point out that there was nothing wrong with being sad.

Another point that was talked about was that people tend to be at their most creative when they experience a period of sadness. I thought about that it is very true look at the things we love music, books, even some movies come from creators that were going through a period of sadness. So it’s what you choose to do during your period that sets you apart and tells you if your sadness is healthy or not. I thought even to my own past of periods of when I have been sad and some of my best poetry was written during those times. So when you faced with a period of sadness challenge that into something creative, that you will be proud of later. Hey look at me I wrote this blog during my period of sadness to hopefully help someone else through theirs. What will you do?

Be encouraged!

Dance Girl Dance!

Another joy of mine has also been dancing. I have loved dancing since I was a little girl, all types of dancing. The funny thing is that dancing is a great metaphor for relationships as well. When you are dancing in a pair there is always a leader and then a follower. If the two don’t automatically fall into their positions there is confusion that is shown throughout the dance. When one takes the role of leader and the other of follower without any issue the dance flows with beauty and grace.

Now in the dance being in the role of the follower is not a bad thing. I want to clear that up right now, in a lot of ways the follower has to be stronger than the leader. Not only do they have to know their own part, but in knowing their steps they also must know the steps of the leader in order to make the moves flawless. And a good leader is not just someone trying to be in charge for the sake of being in charge. They are there to execute the dance and also take into account obstacles that the person in the follower position does not have to be worried about it.

Just like in any relationship when each person assumes their proper positions it is complementary. No one person’s position is more important than the others and without the other there would be no routine. The trick in life is finding those relationships that compliment you and stay away from those who take away from your life. You’re in the dance of your life and it has been choreographed by God, but it’s up to you learn the steps. Seek the steps to your life’s dance; you’ll be surprised how fun life can be. So Dance Girl Dance!

Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny - Part 2

In the last posting I began talking about five Godly Qualities, integrity, honesty, generosity, joyfulness, and teachability. I spoke on the first two and left you to think about generosity. Generosity is defined as gracious, unselfish; ample (ample is sufficient to meet ones needs), as defined in Part 1. Generosity can be displayed by giving someone money or even giving your time. In the Bible there are many scriptures that show us it is better to give than to receive.

Joyfulness is the fourth in this list. I know a lot of people might be wondering how joyfulness is considered a Godly Quality. John 10:10 lets us know “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Why would God want us to have an abundant life, but not have any joy? Joyfulness goes hand and hand with an abundant life, with a life of destiny. The last of these qualities is teachability. Teachability is very important in every aspect of your life. Despite what you may believe you do not know everything. Smile! So even in discovering your destiny you must remain teachable. The person who gets the most out of life is the person who is both willing to teach others and to continue to learn from those around them.

These are not meant to stand as the “only” list of Godly qualities. These are just a few that I think are important to learn as early as possible. They are a good place to start that will also help you begin to prepare yourself for life as a whole, because in all areas of life you will see these qualities. Begin to pay attention to your daily life and be sure that you are incorporating these into your daily routine you will begin to see a difference.

Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny - PART 1

The first step to begin Living Equivalent to Destiny is for you to accept the creator of both you and your destiny into your life and allow Him to have control. Like most new believers you will probably ask yourself “What’s next?” What’s next is for you to begin to follow some things known as Godly Qualities. Some of these qualities include integrity, honesty, generosity, joyfulness and teachability.

The first is integrity which is defined as strict compliance to an ethical standard: the state of being whole or sound. You must decide from the very beginning what you will stand for even as a teenager you must make this decision. You must decide to follow the things of the Spirit, because your divine destiny is tied directly to the Spirit. Next is honesty, you must learn to be honest with God, yourself, and others. How can you change this world for the better if you can not be honest with yourself? This is one of the most difficult areas for most people of all ages. This is the area that most teenagers get on themselves and give up on their dreams and their destiny. Please read the next line very carefully…. IT IS OKAY! You are going to make mistakes everyone does, it doesn’t make you a failure. There is only failure in quitting what you know is your destiny. Just learn from your mistakes continue to move forward. Even if you only take one step forward, it is still a step in the right direction.

Move at the pace that is right for you and your destiny. The next Godly Quality is generosity. Generosity is defined as gracious, unselfish; ample (ample is sufficient to meet ones needs). What is generosity to you? It can take on many different forms, depending on the individual acting it out. Think about what it means to you and how you show it. I will touch on it and the other Godly Qualities in Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny – Part 2.

Why I do this?

Trying to find what to write about tonight has been a tough thing. So I decided to just write from the heart and share some of myself with you as to why I am doing this. I am taking this journey because it is my destiny and my passion in life.

Being a female I know first hand the battles we face with self-esteem, relationships, and just in life in general. So if I can help one young woman to begin living equivalent to their destiny then all my trials would have been worth it. I want you all to know that you are special in God's eyes and that He wants you to have an incredible life! You can accomplish anything that you can dream up! You have a divine destiny and it is important that you know that.

Despite what your life challenges are you can make a difference in this world. You must know that everything you go through is to make you stronger and to help you touch the lives of others with the lessons you have learned. So stay focused on God and He will allow you to walk out your destiny. It will make your life more rewarding. If any of you ever have any questions feel free to leave a comment with your questions and I will answer them. Also if there are any topics that you would like me to write on let me know that as well.

I look forward to taking this journey with you all!

The Big Breakup!

Breakups! It's something that every person goes through at one time or another. Whether the question is, How do I get over a break up? or even How do I break up with someone? It's a difficult situation whether you're the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. So how do you move on after your have had to endure a break up with someone that you really cared about?

Sometimes I know it feels like the end of the world, but guess what it's NOT. If you were to keep it real with yourself you would admit that something about the relationship was not right or you wouldn't have broken up. You have to ask yourself is this person the one that compliments me, not completes you. If you're looking for someone to complete you then you're already starting off wrong (that's a topic for another entry).

Relationships just like friendships in the right context are met be an enhancement to your life. As young women you must be careful not to loose yourself during the relationship so that you won't have a problem finding yourself after the break up. We have a tendency of giving too much power to our male counter parts in relationships. We dive in emotionally, mentally, and a lot of times physically when we know we shouldn't. And it's often on the false pretense of trying to change him. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your love won't change him. No matter how great you are as a person. Only God's love and his own desire will change him when he's ready.

You can never allow yourself to loose focus of the big picture of your life. As long as you stay focused on your dreams and goals for your life. It will make things like break ups a little easier.

Talking to your parents

I got asked, "How do you talk to your parents without arguing and yelling?" So I thought I would try and offer some insight and possibly even some strategy to this question. As much as you don't want to hear this your parents do only want what's best for you. At the same time it is sometimes hard for a parent to begin to realize that you are your own person. Just as you want them to remember that you are only human and are going to make mistakes you must have that same understanding towards your parents.

Most parents would rather their kids talk to them about things prior to just going out and doing something that they may later regret. Like most things it is all in your approach. Depending on the type of parent you have (and you know yours the best) you can take several different approaches.

If there was something that you are thinking about doing. You need to be honest with them and simply say that you need to talk to them about something you have been thinking about. Make sure to emphasize that you have not acting on it yet and you want to talk to them openly about it. If your parent is not the type to be able to handle this type of upfront conversation you can talk with another trusted adult that you do have that type of relationship with have them talk to your parents with you. If you feel that none of things will work, something that I have found out for myself is that writing them a letter works as well. That way you have their undivided attention.

Now with growing into adulthood also comes your responsibility to be able to handle their response. You want them to listen to you and your opinions, you must be willing to do the same when they respond to you. Make sure that you maintain respect for them as your parents and above all things pray before you speak with them. The Lord will give you the words to say as well show what method you should use in relation to your parents. Stay encouraged it gets easier! Trust me!

How do you know when to let go of friends?

This is a question that people of all ages ask themselves. It is a question that I had to ask myself as well. It is one of the hardest questions to answer, especially with people that you truly consider a friend. The question that you have to ask yourself is are they being a friend to you?

A true friend is someone who adds to your life. They are to be there to encourage your dreams, help you through your failures, and tell you when you're wrong. They should love you unconditionally. They should love you with what is know as agape love and that is the pure love of God. If your friends do not love you with the principles with which God loves you then it's time to let them go. Because with a relationship God your friendship will always be conditional. It will come with the conditions that best suits them at the time.

Healthy relationships are ones that can be brutally honest, but still have the tone of love in them. My best friend can tell me anything. We don't always agree with each other, but we always love each other. These are the type of friendships you want to have. As long as you are following the Lord then He will place the right people in your life. Ask yourself if your friends are really your friends. Do they have your best interests in mind? Do they support your dreams and your destiny? Are you afraid to show them the true you? The answers to these questions will be your answer to whether you should let them go our not.

How important is your destiny?

Are you living your life in constant search of something? Are you having trouble figuring out what that something is? I have come to know that what we are in constant search of is our destiny. What have you been placed here on Earth during this season to do? For everyone it is something different and though everyone's destiny is different it is no better than the next person. Someone's destiny might be to give you the smile that you needed to inspire you to move forward. Or it might be the friend that keeps the person that is meant to change the world motivated.

No matter what it is your destiny is important and necessary. It is my purpose to be the beacon of light that leads you as a young woman to her destiny whatever it might be. Because you might be the next multi-billionaire who can fund medical research to change the lives of those with disease. Or you might be the person who is destined to be a politician that changes laws that our country. So I am here to be that motivating force that let's you know that you are beautiful no matter what this world tries to make you believe. Someone might think that is a small thing, but I take pride it because your life is worthy of living and important to God's plan for the world. Just imagine what would happen if the person who is thought to have a small destiny did not fulfill their purpose.

For example, there's a girl out there right now that is destined to touch the lives of thousands, but would happen if the person whose destiny it was to show her kindness and touch her life didn't fulfill because they thought their role was too small. It could be that one person's act of kindness that launched her forward showing her that somebody does care and that she should too. Without that one smile or kind word it would alter God's perfect plan. Can He still accomplish His end goal or course He could, but not with the same level of perfectness that He had originally intended. Funny is this thing called free will. We all have it and we use it whether it be for the good or the bad.

Always move toward your destiny whatever it is. Don't let those around tell you that your purpose is small or unimportant. Your smile can have a lasting effect, your words live on even after you, and you are a blessing.

Who do you surround yourself with?

All of us have people we consider friends and some friends we even consider family. The question we need to ask ourselves is "Who are we surrounding ourselves with?"

As much as I consider myself my own person, I would be lying if I said my family and even my friends didn't influence my decisions in one way or another. My closest friend even influences how I think or view certain situations. Most of the time there's nothing wrong with that, we all need relationships to lead a fulfilling life. However, our number one relationship needs to with God. Having a relationship with Him helps to keep everything else in life in perspective.

In my 29 years I have found that when I concentrate more on my conversations with God that everyone else's opinions do not carry the same weight in my decision making. Also when I remained focused on Him he begun to lead people into my life that would add to my destiny and not subtract from it. He introduced me to those that motivate me, those who challenge my thinking, and those who will be a refuge for me when things get rough. And those people that I thought (or wanted to believe) were my friends slowly began to show their true selves and were removed from my life, a lot of times with no effort on my part.

So if you were to be truly honest with yourself who do you surround yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with people showing you God's love or those offering you a counterfeit of affection? Jesus surrounded himself with people he considered friends and even he was betrayed by one of them. What is to be learned from his life is that no matter whether good or bad He never allowed his friends to steal his focus from doing what His Father (God) had called him to do.

Ladies, you must do the same, remember to always walk in your destiny. You are the daughter of the King of Kings and as such you were destined to be surrounded by His love. Take notice everyday on who you are surrounding yourself with and if necessary make those tough decisions and make the adjustments needed it is critical for you destiny. Don't delay the things that God has in store for you by holding on to those people you need to let go.

Is Lying Worth It?

We have all done it at one time or another. Whether it be what we consider a white lie or some elaborate story that is completely made up. It is something that can trip us up so easily. It happens when we are trying to impress others, hide something, or live a life that's not our own. But is it really worth it?

The Bible is clear about it's thoughts on lying, but what are your thoughts? We know it only leads to continued lying yet we do it anyway. What is its appeal? What do we have to gain? We should always be aiming to be more like God and the bible tells us that "He is not a man He should lie..." (Numbers 23:19, KJV) So why can't we be more like Him in this area?

I think that it is our desire to belong to something in one way or another and to live a life that in some way seems better than our own. We must understand that life is about choices and we can choose how we will live life day to day. If we return our focus to what matters, Living Equivalent to Destiny, which is the divine destiny set before us. Whatever your talents are or the things that bring you joy are turn to those things and God will lead you to a place where lying will no longer by necessary. You will begin to truly enjoy your life and the person you are in the present and not have to look to those things that are not. When you look back over your life, lying is really not worth it all.