Are you getting Mixed Signals?

Mixed Signals, all of us have encountered them at one time or another. From our parents, friends, relationships, and the list continues on and on. Someone might ask what are mixed signals. Mixed signals are when people say one thing, but their actions say the opposite. You know when you’re dating that guy and his words say that he’s feeling you, but his actions prove that you’re no different than anybody else. Or when your friend says that she would never talk about you behind your back, but she talks about everybody else so why not you? Hey, you might even be guilty of giving mixed signals yourself.

And if you are that’s okay we all have done it before. Sometimes it can be because the person is confused or it can be because they are afraid to let you know how they really feel. And then quite frankly it could be because they are playing you, whatever the reason know that mixed signals is common. That’s why the old saying of “actions speak louder than words” is so true. Whether you want to believe it our not, it is true. I dare you to just try it one time, be observant and listen. Listen to what people tell you about themselves or even about how they feel about you and then watch their actions. Do they match? Or do they prove to be contrary?

I say all this to say in life beware of the mixed signals. They will cause you lots of headaches and heartaches if you are not careful. My advice to you would be to believe a person’s actions a lot more than you believe their words.

Drama with your BFF?

I answered a question on yesterday from a High School student. She wanted to know what to do because she felt like her best friend was ditching her for someone else. I’m sure that most of us have all felt that way at one time or another. Things are not the same with you and your best friend then all of a sudden she’s hanging out with someone else. Well below are the words I offered to her. What would you do if placed in a similar situation?

My response was if this person was her best friend then that should mean that she can talk to her about how she’s feeling. I told her that she should be able to go to her and say that it seems like she is trying to push her away as her friend then she’ll want to make sure that her friend doesn't have a problem with her that she’s not aware of. The key is to just be honest, but be prepared for whatever the answer may be as well. If she is really her friend she will at least listen and let her know what's going on.

In this situation what you find a lot of times are it may just be a miss understanding or miss communication on both of sides. The only way to know is to talk to the friend. Just know that whatever happens that friendships are work just like any other relationship. So you have to willing to fight and to work at if she is truly your best friend. And if you feel as though she is no longer an asset in your life, be strong enough to break ties and move forward. As long as you do all that you can do in any relationship to make it work you come out on top. That’s all you can do is give things your very best, you can’t make someone else act a certain way or do anything. So don’t waste your timing trying to change or fix someone else. Ultimately the decision on whether you want to be her friend is yours and the decision on whether she wants to be your friend is hers. It’s a two way street not a one way. Remember that. Be encouraged!

Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny - PART 1

The first step to begin Living Equivalent to Destiny is for you to accept the creator of both you and your destiny into your life and allow Him to have control. Like most new believers you will probably ask yourself “What’s next?” What’s next is for you to begin to follow some things known as Godly Qualities. Some of these qualities include integrity, honesty, generosity, joyfulness and teachability.

The first is integrity which is defined as strict compliance to an ethical standard: the state of being whole or sound. You must decide from the very beginning what you will stand for even as a teenager you must make this decision. You must decide to follow the things of the Spirit, because your divine destiny is tied directly to the Spirit. Next is honesty, you must learn to be honest with God, yourself, and others. How can you change this world for the better if you can not be honest with yourself? This is one of the most difficult areas for most people of all ages. This is the area that most teenagers get on themselves and give up on their dreams and their destiny. Please read the next line very carefully…. IT IS OKAY! You are going to make mistakes everyone does, it doesn’t make you a failure. There is only failure in quitting what you know is your destiny. Just learn from your mistakes continue to move forward. Even if you only take one step forward, it is still a step in the right direction.

Move at the pace that is right for you and your destiny. The next Godly Quality is generosity. Generosity is defined as gracious, unselfish; ample (ample is sufficient to meet ones needs). What is generosity to you? It can take on many different forms, depending on the individual acting it out. Think about what it means to you and how you show it. I will touch on it and the other Godly Qualities in Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny – Part 2.

The Big Breakup!

Breakups! It's something that every person goes through at one time or another. Whether the question is, How do I get over a break up? or even How do I break up with someone? It's a difficult situation whether you're the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. So how do you move on after your have had to endure a break up with someone that you really cared about?

Sometimes I know it feels like the end of the world, but guess what it's NOT. If you were to keep it real with yourself you would admit that something about the relationship was not right or you wouldn't have broken up. You have to ask yourself is this person the one that compliments me, not completes you. If you're looking for someone to complete you then you're already starting off wrong (that's a topic for another entry).

Relationships just like friendships in the right context are met be an enhancement to your life. As young women you must be careful not to loose yourself during the relationship so that you won't have a problem finding yourself after the break up. We have a tendency of giving too much power to our male counter parts in relationships. We dive in emotionally, mentally, and a lot of times physically when we know we shouldn't. And it's often on the false pretense of trying to change him. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your love won't change him. No matter how great you are as a person. Only God's love and his own desire will change him when he's ready.

You can never allow yourself to loose focus of the big picture of your life. As long as you stay focused on your dreams and goals for your life. It will make things like break ups a little easier.

Talking to your parents

I got asked, "How do you talk to your parents without arguing and yelling?" So I thought I would try and offer some insight and possibly even some strategy to this question. As much as you don't want to hear this your parents do only want what's best for you. At the same time it is sometimes hard for a parent to begin to realize that you are your own person. Just as you want them to remember that you are only human and are going to make mistakes you must have that same understanding towards your parents.

Most parents would rather their kids talk to them about things prior to just going out and doing something that they may later regret. Like most things it is all in your approach. Depending on the type of parent you have (and you know yours the best) you can take several different approaches.

If there was something that you are thinking about doing. You need to be honest with them and simply say that you need to talk to them about something you have been thinking about. Make sure to emphasize that you have not acting on it yet and you want to talk to them openly about it. If your parent is not the type to be able to handle this type of upfront conversation you can talk with another trusted adult that you do have that type of relationship with have them talk to your parents with you. If you feel that none of things will work, something that I have found out for myself is that writing them a letter works as well. That way you have their undivided attention.

Now with growing into adulthood also comes your responsibility to be able to handle their response. You want them to listen to you and your opinions, you must be willing to do the same when they respond to you. Make sure that you maintain respect for them as your parents and above all things pray before you speak with them. The Lord will give you the words to say as well show what method you should use in relation to your parents. Stay encouraged it gets easier! Trust me!

Who do you surround yourself with?

All of us have people we consider friends and some friends we even consider family. The question we need to ask ourselves is "Who are we surrounding ourselves with?"

As much as I consider myself my own person, I would be lying if I said my family and even my friends didn't influence my decisions in one way or another. My closest friend even influences how I think or view certain situations. Most of the time there's nothing wrong with that, we all need relationships to lead a fulfilling life. However, our number one relationship needs to with God. Having a relationship with Him helps to keep everything else in life in perspective.

In my 29 years I have found that when I concentrate more on my conversations with God that everyone else's opinions do not carry the same weight in my decision making. Also when I remained focused on Him he begun to lead people into my life that would add to my destiny and not subtract from it. He introduced me to those that motivate me, those who challenge my thinking, and those who will be a refuge for me when things get rough. And those people that I thought (or wanted to believe) were my friends slowly began to show their true selves and were removed from my life, a lot of times with no effort on my part.

So if you were to be truly honest with yourself who do you surround yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with people showing you God's love or those offering you a counterfeit of affection? Jesus surrounded himself with people he considered friends and even he was betrayed by one of them. What is to be learned from his life is that no matter whether good or bad He never allowed his friends to steal his focus from doing what His Father (God) had called him to do.

Ladies, you must do the same, remember to always walk in your destiny. You are the daughter of the King of Kings and as such you were destined to be surrounded by His love. Take notice everyday on who you are surrounding yourself with and if necessary make those tough decisions and make the adjustments needed it is critical for you destiny. Don't delay the things that God has in store for you by holding on to those people you need to let go.