Are you getting Mixed Signals?

Mixed Signals, all of us have encountered them at one time or another. From our parents, friends, relationships, and the list continues on and on. Someone might ask what are mixed signals. Mixed signals are when people say one thing, but their actions say the opposite. You know when you’re dating that guy and his words say that he’s feeling you, but his actions prove that you’re no different than anybody else. Or when your friend says that she would never talk about you behind your back, but she talks about everybody else so why not you? Hey, you might even be guilty of giving mixed signals yourself.

And if you are that’s okay we all have done it before. Sometimes it can be because the person is confused or it can be because they are afraid to let you know how they really feel. And then quite frankly it could be because they are playing you, whatever the reason know that mixed signals is common. That’s why the old saying of “actions speak louder than words” is so true. Whether you want to believe it our not, it is true. I dare you to just try it one time, be observant and listen. Listen to what people tell you about themselves or even about how they feel about you and then watch their actions. Do they match? Or do they prove to be contrary?

I say all this to say in life beware of the mixed signals. They will cause you lots of headaches and heartaches if you are not careful. My advice to you would be to believe a person’s actions a lot more than you believe their words.

Drama with your BFF?

I answered a question on yesterday from a High School student. She wanted to know what to do because she felt like her best friend was ditching her for someone else. I’m sure that most of us have all felt that way at one time or another. Things are not the same with you and your best friend then all of a sudden she’s hanging out with someone else. Well below are the words I offered to her. What would you do if placed in a similar situation?

My response was if this person was her best friend then that should mean that she can talk to her about how she’s feeling. I told her that she should be able to go to her and say that it seems like she is trying to push her away as her friend then she’ll want to make sure that her friend doesn't have a problem with her that she’s not aware of. The key is to just be honest, but be prepared for whatever the answer may be as well. If she is really her friend she will at least listen and let her know what's going on.

In this situation what you find a lot of times are it may just be a miss understanding or miss communication on both of sides. The only way to know is to talk to the friend. Just know that whatever happens that friendships are work just like any other relationship. So you have to willing to fight and to work at if she is truly your best friend. And if you feel as though she is no longer an asset in your life, be strong enough to break ties and move forward. As long as you do all that you can do in any relationship to make it work you come out on top. That’s all you can do is give things your very best, you can’t make someone else act a certain way or do anything. So don’t waste your timing trying to change or fix someone else. Ultimately the decision on whether you want to be her friend is yours and the decision on whether she wants to be your friend is hers. It’s a two way street not a one way. Remember that. Be encouraged!

Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny - PART 1

The first step to begin Living Equivalent to Destiny is for you to accept the creator of both you and your destiny into your life and allow Him to have control. Like most new believers you will probably ask yourself “What’s next?” What’s next is for you to begin to follow some things known as Godly Qualities. Some of these qualities include integrity, honesty, generosity, joyfulness and teachability.

The first is integrity which is defined as strict compliance to an ethical standard: the state of being whole or sound. You must decide from the very beginning what you will stand for even as a teenager you must make this decision. You must decide to follow the things of the Spirit, because your divine destiny is tied directly to the Spirit. Next is honesty, you must learn to be honest with God, yourself, and others. How can you change this world for the better if you can not be honest with yourself? This is one of the most difficult areas for most people of all ages. This is the area that most teenagers get on themselves and give up on their dreams and their destiny. Please read the next line very carefully…. IT IS OKAY! You are going to make mistakes everyone does, it doesn’t make you a failure. There is only failure in quitting what you know is your destiny. Just learn from your mistakes continue to move forward. Even if you only take one step forward, it is still a step in the right direction.

Move at the pace that is right for you and your destiny. The next Godly Quality is generosity. Generosity is defined as gracious, unselfish; ample (ample is sufficient to meet ones needs). What is generosity to you? It can take on many different forms, depending on the individual acting it out. Think about what it means to you and how you show it. I will touch on it and the other Godly Qualities in Steps to Living Equivalent to Destiny – Part 2.

The Big Breakup!

Breakups! It's something that every person goes through at one time or another. Whether the question is, How do I get over a break up? or even How do I break up with someone? It's a difficult situation whether you're the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. So how do you move on after your have had to endure a break up with someone that you really cared about?

Sometimes I know it feels like the end of the world, but guess what it's NOT. If you were to keep it real with yourself you would admit that something about the relationship was not right or you wouldn't have broken up. You have to ask yourself is this person the one that compliments me, not completes you. If you're looking for someone to complete you then you're already starting off wrong (that's a topic for another entry).

Relationships just like friendships in the right context are met be an enhancement to your life. As young women you must be careful not to loose yourself during the relationship so that you won't have a problem finding yourself after the break up. We have a tendency of giving too much power to our male counter parts in relationships. We dive in emotionally, mentally, and a lot of times physically when we know we shouldn't. And it's often on the false pretense of trying to change him. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your love won't change him. No matter how great you are as a person. Only God's love and his own desire will change him when he's ready.

You can never allow yourself to loose focus of the big picture of your life. As long as you stay focused on your dreams and goals for your life. It will make things like break ups a little easier.

How do you know when to let go of friends?

This is a question that people of all ages ask themselves. It is a question that I had to ask myself as well. It is one of the hardest questions to answer, especially with people that you truly consider a friend. The question that you have to ask yourself is are they being a friend to you?

A true friend is someone who adds to your life. They are to be there to encourage your dreams, help you through your failures, and tell you when you're wrong. They should love you unconditionally. They should love you with what is know as agape love and that is the pure love of God. If your friends do not love you with the principles with which God loves you then it's time to let them go. Because with a relationship God your friendship will always be conditional. It will come with the conditions that best suits them at the time.

Healthy relationships are ones that can be brutally honest, but still have the tone of love in them. My best friend can tell me anything. We don't always agree with each other, but we always love each other. These are the type of friendships you want to have. As long as you are following the Lord then He will place the right people in your life. Ask yourself if your friends are really your friends. Do they have your best interests in mind? Do they support your dreams and your destiny? Are you afraid to show them the true you? The answers to these questions will be your answer to whether you should let them go our not.

How important is your destiny?

Are you living your life in constant search of something? Are you having trouble figuring out what that something is? I have come to know that what we are in constant search of is our destiny. What have you been placed here on Earth during this season to do? For everyone it is something different and though everyone's destiny is different it is no better than the next person. Someone's destiny might be to give you the smile that you needed to inspire you to move forward. Or it might be the friend that keeps the person that is meant to change the world motivated.

No matter what it is your destiny is important and necessary. It is my purpose to be the beacon of light that leads you as a young woman to her destiny whatever it might be. Because you might be the next multi-billionaire who can fund medical research to change the lives of those with disease. Or you might be the person who is destined to be a politician that changes laws that our country. So I am here to be that motivating force that let's you know that you are beautiful no matter what this world tries to make you believe. Someone might think that is a small thing, but I take pride it because your life is worthy of living and important to God's plan for the world. Just imagine what would happen if the person who is thought to have a small destiny did not fulfill their purpose.

For example, there's a girl out there right now that is destined to touch the lives of thousands, but would happen if the person whose destiny it was to show her kindness and touch her life didn't fulfill because they thought their role was too small. It could be that one person's act of kindness that launched her forward showing her that somebody does care and that she should too. Without that one smile or kind word it would alter God's perfect plan. Can He still accomplish His end goal or course He could, but not with the same level of perfectness that He had originally intended. Funny is this thing called free will. We all have it and we use it whether it be for the good or the bad.

Always move toward your destiny whatever it is. Don't let those around tell you that your purpose is small or unimportant. Your smile can have a lasting effect, your words live on even after you, and you are a blessing.

Who do you surround yourself with?

All of us have people we consider friends and some friends we even consider family. The question we need to ask ourselves is "Who are we surrounding ourselves with?"

As much as I consider myself my own person, I would be lying if I said my family and even my friends didn't influence my decisions in one way or another. My closest friend even influences how I think or view certain situations. Most of the time there's nothing wrong with that, we all need relationships to lead a fulfilling life. However, our number one relationship needs to with God. Having a relationship with Him helps to keep everything else in life in perspective.

In my 29 years I have found that when I concentrate more on my conversations with God that everyone else's opinions do not carry the same weight in my decision making. Also when I remained focused on Him he begun to lead people into my life that would add to my destiny and not subtract from it. He introduced me to those that motivate me, those who challenge my thinking, and those who will be a refuge for me when things get rough. And those people that I thought (or wanted to believe) were my friends slowly began to show their true selves and were removed from my life, a lot of times with no effort on my part.

So if you were to be truly honest with yourself who do you surround yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with people showing you God's love or those offering you a counterfeit of affection? Jesus surrounded himself with people he considered friends and even he was betrayed by one of them. What is to be learned from his life is that no matter whether good or bad He never allowed his friends to steal his focus from doing what His Father (God) had called him to do.

Ladies, you must do the same, remember to always walk in your destiny. You are the daughter of the King of Kings and as such you were destined to be surrounded by His love. Take notice everyday on who you are surrounding yourself with and if necessary make those tough decisions and make the adjustments needed it is critical for you destiny. Don't delay the things that God has in store for you by holding on to those people you need to let go.